EggsOverEggs

Wknd.

My life is very repetitive.  Allow me to explain.  There is no travel involved in my job.  I drive to work.  I have a desk.  I sit at it for eight hours a day then I go home.  Monday through Friday from 8AM to 5PM if you want to know where I am just say to yourself “is it a weekday?”, and you will know that I am sitting at my desk, at work, staring at my computer screen.  Am I working?  Sometimes.  Chances are though that I’m reading an article on Wikipedia about neutron starts, amateur rockety, or the Japanese Anime saga Dragonball.  AKA Dragonball Z, AKA Dragonball GT.  If it is a week day and between the aforementioned hours, I absolutely guranantee you with one hundred percent certainty that I will be sitting at my desk.  I have never called in sick.  I don’t take days off in the middle of the week.  All doctor, dentist, eye exam, or any other appointments are scheduled on the weekends.  I don’t even particularly enjoy national holidays.  I feel as if they throw off my routine.  I am definitely a creature of habit and as such, I find myself extremely predictable.  And I’m ok with that.  The most exciting thing to happen to me at work recently occurred a couple weeks ago.  I went on to google to look up the lyrics to the Lil Wayne song “Let The Beat Build” off his album “Tha Carter III”.  I clicked a link to a lyrics page and my computer started downloading tons and tons of spyware applications.  I frantically clicked ”x’s” trying to close the spyware windows but it was no use.  Within two minutes my computer restarted itself to finish the spyware installs and within five minutes after that my computer was rendered as useless as a velvet painting of a whale gettin’ it on with a dolphin.  I panicked and tried to come up with a story as to how my computer got so fucked up so quickly.  (The same thing happend about month before this too so I wasn’t too high up on IT’s “this guy is super fantastic awesome” list.”  My conversation with the IT guy went something like this:

Me: “uh remember that thing that happend to my computer like a month ago?  Well it happend again this morning and it seems to be much worse this time.”

IT guy: Lets out a long sigh. “Is there a little exclamation point on the bottom right hand corner of the task bar?”

Me: “Yeah…how did you know that?  Is that not supposed to be there?”

IT guy: another long sigh. “I’ll be up in a minute.”

I proceeded to tell the IT guy that my computer got fucked up because I visited a porn site.  I was just too embarassed to tell him that I was trying to look up the lyrics to gangster rap song.  I ended up getting a brand new computer out of the deal so all in all it worked out to my advantage.  Needless to say I don’t get my Lil Wayne lyrics from that site No Mo.

The bottom line is that every weekday I know exactly what I am going to do.  I know exactly what is going to happen at work, and I know exactly what I’m going to do when I get out of work.  This is not difficult because my post-work activities are usually confined to eating dinner followed by six to seven hours of TV watching, reading, or playing halo.  (ODST is amazing by the way and has given me a new reason to get out of bed in the morning.)  I’ve accepted the fact that I need this predictability, this routine, in my life in order to fit in with society and keep my job which I don’t particularly love but it does pay the bills. 

So I try to mix things up a little on the weekends.

This usually involves leaving work on Friday and getting as shit-faced-drunk as possible at a happy hour somewhere.  Drinking Guinness and/or Jack Daniels and picking at a happy hour buffet, the thoughts of the week quickly melt away as I imagine the possibilities the weekend has in store.  With every intention to plan elaborate trips to near-by cities or attend sporting events or something else incredible and spontaneous, I usually just end up staying at the same bar in which I partook in the happy hour and drinking myself into oblivion.  I would say on average my whole weekend is shot within three to five hours of my departure from work on Friday afternoon.  This is a direct result of the mass quantities of alcohol I consume on Friday evenings.  Now I know what you’re thinking. “So you get really drunk on Fridays.  Everyone does that.”  And you’re right in saying so.  The problem is that I happen to be a particularly bad hangover sufferer.  If I really tied one on the night before, it could take an entire day of rest and rehydrating until I feel normal.  Sometimes I still feel messed up two days later.  This is how my Friday night drinking often ruins my weekends. 

Most of the time I do not let my hangover get the best.  Instead, I’ll meet up with friends for a noon time breakfast (bloody mary and Athenian omelette) and then head on down to ye olde package store to buy some more booze.  Drinking is one thing that will always cure a hangover…temporarily.  I’ll normally spend my Saturdays eating vast quantities of shitty food and drinking beer until I feel better.  Then I’ll drink more beer and eat more shitty food and then I’ll go back to sleep.  For instance, this past weekend I ate more Chinese Food than most Chinese people will in a lifetime.  It wasn’t even a large variety.  It was just a shit load of chicken fried up in a wok and tossed in different sauce.  Damn you General Tsao!  Why the fuck are you so tasty?

Sundays are devastating.  Most Sundays I’ll spend about 3 to 5 hours out of 24 away from my bed.  In no way is that an exaggeration.  Regardless of how much I drank over the weekend, this is just always how my Sundays go.  I lay in bed and watch TV, read, dick around on the internet, play video games, and dick around on the internet.  I never make plans for Sundays, and I rarely go out to do anything.  To me Sunday is the most depressing day of the week.  It gives me time to reflect on exactly how much I ate/drank over the past 48 hours.  It also affords me an entire day to dwell on the fact that I have to be at work on Monday.

By the time Monday rolls around I’m so relieved to be back at work I don’t even miss the weekend.  I think I just gave you a rundown of my entire life.  You know those people who always have some kind of secret?  Like they always leave your group of friends during the middle of a party or something, but they’ll never tell you what they’re doing or where they’re going to go?  That’s definitely not me.  I like to keep it as simple as possible.  Honestly I don’t think my brain could handle much more than I throw at it these days.  Especially if I’m killing so many brain cells on my weekend excursions. I promise if I ever do anything out of the ordinary on a weekday or on the weekend, y’all will be the first to know.